Grief and Bereavement: Understanding the Process
Grief is a natural but often difficult process. While it is commonly associated with the death of a loved one, grief can also arise from any significant loss, such as a divorce, job loss, emigration, retirement, or a decline in health.
Feelings of anger, guilt, numbness, fear, profound sadness, and longing are all common emotional responses during grief and bereavement. While these reactions are normal, it is often helpful to seek professional, non-judgmental, and confidential support during this time.
There is no fixed timeline for grief. It is a highly personal experience, and everyone processes it in their own way. For some, it may take months or even years to reach a place of acceptance. However, it’s important to remember that even those who have experienced profound loss can recover and lead fulfilling lives.
Bereavement Counselling: A Safe Space to Heal
Bereavement can be excruciating, and in therapy, we aim to sit with that pain rather than rush through it. During this process, we also try to gain perspective amidst the many voices offering advice on grief. It can be difficult to hear your own voice or the lingering voice of your loved one, especially when so many people are telling you what to feel or how to move forward. In our sessions, we work to create space for you to hear your own inner voice and process your emotions authentically.
What is Grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss, especially the death of a loved one. While the grieving process often follows certain emotional patterns, it is unique to each individual.
Common Experiences of Grief:
- Shock and Numbness: Initially, grief may feel like shock or disbelief. This numbness can be a protective mechanism, allowing the body and mind to temporarily shield themselves from the overwhelming reality of loss.
- Anger: As the shock subsides, many people experience anger—directed at themselves, the person who passed away, medical staff, or even a higher power. This is a normal part of the healing process. It’s important not to suppress anger but to find a safe, non-judgmental space where you can express it.
- Guilt: Feelings of guilt often surface during grief, with thoughts like “What if I had done something differently?” or “If only I had been there.” This self-blame can be a common reaction as we seek to make sense of the loss.
- Sadness, Anxiety, and Fear: Sadness is often accompanied by feelings of anxiety or fear—fear of your own mortality, loneliness, or helplessness. You may also experience longing or yearning for the person you’ve lost, and dreaming of them is common.
- Relief: In some cases, especially if the death followed prolonged suffering or if the relationship was difficult, feelings of relief may arise. In such cases, there might also be a sense of grieving for a relationship that was never what you had hoped for.
- Physical Symptoms: Grief can also manifest physically, with symptoms like loss of appetite, changes in sleep patterns, nausea, tightness in the chest, breathlessness, muscle weakness, fatigue, pain, confusion, and difficulty concentrating. These symptoms are typically temporary, but if they persist, it’s important to consult a medical professional.
The Five Stages of Grief
While everyone’s grief is different, it may be helpful to recognize common emotional reactions. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross initially proposed the five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying. These stages are not always experienced in a linear order, nor does everyone go through all of them. It’s important to note that grief is not a one-size-fits-all journey.
- Denial
Denial is often the first reaction to loss. It can feel like numbness, disbelief, or even detachment. In this stage, life may seem senseless, and the reality of the loss can feel overwhelming. Denial can serve as a temporary coping mechanism, allowing us time to begin to process the loss at our own pace. - Anger
Anger is a natural response to grief and can arise from the deep pain of losing someone we loved. You may feel angry at yourself, the deceased person, doctors, or even a higher power. Thoughts like “Why did this happen?” or “Why did they leave me?” are common. Recognizing anger as a natural part of the process can help us understand that it’s a form of emotional release and part of the healing journey. - Bargaining
In this stage, you may find yourself ruminating over what could have been done differently. Thoughts like “If only I had done this” or “What if I had acted sooner?” are common. This stage often involves attempting to negotiate with ourselves or with the universe in the hopes of reversing the loss. - Depression
When we realize that nothing can change the past, we may feel the weight of the loss more deeply. This is the stage where sadness can feel all-consuming. We may withdraw from life and question whether there’s any point in continuing. While depression during grief is a natural response, if it becomes unrelenting or deeply distressing, it’s important to seek professional support. - Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean that everything is back to normal or that you’ve “moved on.” Rather, it involves acknowledging the new reality—a world where your loved one is no longer physically present. During this stage, you may start to rebuild your life, form new relationships, and allow yourself to experience moments of joy again. This stage signifies personal growth and the ability to live with loss.
Grief After Suicide: A Unique and Complicated Journey
Grief after the loss of a loved one by suicide is particularly complex. In addition to the common grief reactions, there are often additional layers of confusion, guilt, and shame. Loved ones may struggle with questions like “Why didn’t I see the signs?” or “Could I have done something to prevent this?” These feelings of guilt and self-blame can be overwhelming, but it’s crucial to recognize that suicide is rarely the result of one person’s actions or inactions.
Emotions Specific to Suicide Grief:
- Shock and Disbelief: Suicide can be a particularly shocking and traumatic event. Loved ones may experience a sense of disbelief, feeling as though the death is unreal or unimaginable.
- Guilt and Blame: Survivors of suicide often feel an intense sense of guilt, questioning whether they missed warning signs or could have done more to help. It’s important to remember that no one can control another person’s actions, and feelings of guilt, though common, are not a reflection of failure.
- Anger and Resentment: Some survivors may feel anger toward the person who died, especially if they perceive their loved one’s actions as selfish or as causing emotional harm to those left behind. Anger is a natural part of grief, but it’s essential to allow space for these feelings without judgment.
- Relief and Confusion: In some cases, especially if the person had been suffering from mental illness or was in pain, family members may feel a conflicted sense of relief after the suicide. It’s normal to feel a mixture of emotions, but this can lead to confusion about the validity of the grief and how to process it.
- Stigma: Suicide is often surrounded by societal stigma, which can make it harder for survivors to grieve openly or seek support. Therapy can help to navigate these complicated feelings in a safe, confidential space.
Therapy After Suicide Loss
If you are grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide, therapy can be especially beneficial. A qualified therapist can help you process the complex emotions involved, including guilt, anger, and confusion, in a non-judgmental space. It’s crucial to remember that suicide loss is not your fault, and therapy can guide you through the healing process, helping you cope with the specific challenges that arise from such a tragic loss.
Grief is Personal: Your Own Journey
Grief is a deeply personal experience, and there is no “right” way to grieve. Each person’s journey through loss is unique, and the timeline for healing can vary significantly. The process can be unpredictable, with emotions coming in waves and taking different forms.
I am fully committed to supporting you as you navigate your grief in your own way and at your own pace. There is no rush, and no need to conform to anyone else’s expectations or timeline. My role is to create a compassionate, non-judgmental space where you can feel safe to express your emotions and explore your grief, however it may arise.
Having trained extensively in Bereavement Therapy, I understand that every loss is unique and that the healing process looks different for each individual. Whether you are just beginning your journey or are dealing with more complex or long-term grief, I am here to walk alongside you, providing support that respects your personal process.
Grief Counselling and Support
Grief is a deeply personal and sometimes overwhelming experience. During bereavement counselling, we work together to process your emotions in a safe, supportive, and non-judgmental space. While the road may be long, it’s important to know that you don’t have to walk it alone.
If you’re struggling with grief or bereavement, especially after the loss of a loved one by suicide, please reach out to discuss how therapy can help you through this challenging time. You are not alone.